Dear Mitchell -

I'm saddened by the fact that both sexism and ageism are raising their ugly heads and impeding your quest to be accepted in your Wiccan community. That really shouldn't happen, but sometimes it does.

Being a Witch has nothing whatsoever to do with how old or young you are, nor with your gender. Some of my best Wiccan friends are men in exactly your age bracket! Bravo to you for standing up for yourself.

Now to the question of study. You may be surprised to learn that the vast majority of Wiccans are solitaries (that means they practice on their own) and most of my witchy friends have never joined a coven. We live in a time when, fortunately, a vast amount of information about Pagan paths exists; although it is wonderful to find other Pagans and Witches, it is by no means the only way to grow in your spiritual journey.

I would recommend that you begin by finding some good books on Wicca; Scott Cunningham is excellent for beginners (any of his books) and you'd likely enjoy Starhawk's classic The Spiral Path. Another resource: Elizabeth Barrette wrote a column for beginners in SageWoman years ago called "Into the Green"; a compilation from this series appears on the PanGaia website at www.pangaia.com/gaian_101.htm.

Good luck, and let us know how your journey goes.

Dear Mitchell:

You can certainly learn a lot by yourself! There are books, websites, and intuition to guide you; sometimes the latter is the most useful. Find a quiet, earthy space just to sit and listen to the bugs and birds and wind. Learn to listen, and eventually you're likely to hear the voices of the gods in your ear. It might be a whisper, something you want to believe you made up, but don't be surprised if it's a deafening roar. Just keep listening and responding in the way that feels right to you.

Meanwhile, look into the various traditions available to you. Whatever niche you think you might fit into probably has several dozen people already in it, somewhere. You can find "somewhere" on the internet, believe me. Explore the options. Even if you don't wind up working with a local or net-based group, it's a good idea to find out what's out there. Traditions and rituals work in part because so many people do things the same way - there's power in repetition. It helps, too, that somebody else took on the task of finding out what doesn't work.

You can also get a lot out of working with a group, even if it's only occasionally: Sabbats but not Full Moons, for example. A group will keep you motivated, give you somewhere to ask questions, and push you to grow faster than you might on your own. Keep in mind that every group has its own dynamic and you may have to try out several before you find one that fits. Trust your gut instinct and don't just because it's the only group in town. The gods will provide what you need when you're ready for it.

That said, I'll rant. To all of you ladies out there: if you had a personal trauma that makes you uncomfortable with men, please don't take it out on innocent bystanders. In a faith tradition that honors both the feminine and masculine, if you cut yourself off from half of the divine, you're doing yourself a disservice. You're also likely to incur more than a bit of karma for turning away someone who comes to you seeking guidance and the wisdom you have to offer. Unless your group is a women-only circle (and if it is, make sure that is clear in any informational material you put out) you need men around in who to see the god as much as they need you to see the goddess.