|  Dear
Confused and Betrayed -
Both
of you have similar problems: magical relationships gone bad. It's sad, but it
happens, and when it does, tidying up afterwards takes a wee bit more work than
with a mundane friendship. (To "confused" I would add - make up your
mind firmly about your former coven-mate, but if it were me, I'd be inclined to
say, "No thanks" to renewing the relationship.) When
you wish to end a magical relationship, it is necessary not only to drop the physical
connection, but to sever the psychic connection as well. Get rid of any items
your former friend may have given you, especially any magical jewelry or tools.
If there's something you can't bear to part with, cleanse it, preferably with
salt and/or water. (Waterproof items left to soak in the moonlight will quickly
lose their psychic connections.) You
also need to work on your shielding. Spend some time visualizing a semi-permeable
bubble around yourself, in whatever color you find most protective. Define it
as a shield that will let in good energy but repel ill-will. You also should hang
a mirror outside your house to bounce back any negative energy she sends your
way. These things will
protect you, and once you have done them, you must let the magic work and not
undercut it by continuing to think about her. Try to forget her; make new friends
and leave her firmly behind. May
the Goddess protect you,
 |
 Dear
Confused and Betrayed:
Truth #1: Bad People* exist.
Truth #2: You
don't have to put up with them.
Truth #3: Being antagonistic in order to
get away from a Bad Person is a Bad Idea. Confused - it sounds like your
situation, while frustrating, is probably salvageable. If Tulip doesn't usually
act this way, I'd say, take her back. Maybe you will get hurt, but that could
happen just as easily if you don't take her back. You need to be pretty clear
with her about where the coven is going now, and what part you expect her to play.
Have that discussion long before you circle together, and if you can't reach an
agreement you are all comfortable with, don't work together. Betrayed -
you, on the other hand, are right to walk away. Any friend who makes a habit of
stabbing you in the back is not worth the price. As for the attention-seeking,
the best way to deal with people who claim to be anything just to be in the spotlight
is to ignore it. "You're a Witch? How nice." "The Queen of Sweden?
Swell." "Gerald Gardner reincarnated? Yeah, me, too." Once they
understand nobody cares, they'll either cut it out or go look for a better audience.
Either way, you win. Unfortunately, there's no easy answer for the issue of keeping
secrets. You'll have to figure out why you're wanting to tell them. If it's because
you're hurt and upset and want to get back at your former friend, keep quiet even
if it takes duct taping your lips together. On the other hand, if this person
is truly a threat to others, you have an obligation to speak up in order to protect
them. Really think this through, because the decision could come back to haunt
you. The important thing for both of you is not to turn into one of the
Bad Guys yourself. Either of these people described by Confused and Betrayed could
turn out to be simply misguided or really nasty. You're not responsible for them,
but remember that other people in your covens and communities are watching how
you respond. It's obvious that you're angry or grieving or just tired of the excessive
drama, and that's okay. Writing vindictive entries in your blog, however, is NOT
okay. Public tirades are NOT okay. Responding on message boards or e-mail lists
is NOT okay. This is a private matter; DO NOT make it public, and don't respond
in kind if your antagonist tries to take her case to the public. It might be hard
to keep your mouth closed, but not nearly as hard as spending months trying to
rebuild your reputation and your coven. *P. S. "Bad People" can
run the gamut from your friend who insists on whining at you about her hangnail
while you need to be studying for finals, to an emotionally destructive member
who is tearing apart your coven, to the local druglord who is gunning down people
on your street. It's quite a range. 
|
