7 Steps to Joining a Coven
By Margaret Nolan-Williams

Your journey from "muggle" to "magical" is full of forks, changes, and turning points; joining a coven for the first time is one of the big steps in your magical career. Solitaries (Witches who practice alone) are a breed unto themselves and many believe they form the largest single segment of the Pagan community. Although many are solitary by choice, others wish to make a change. The practice of worshipping alone can be lonely; and in some cases, the loneliness can become overwhelming. At this point you may decide it's time to find yourself a coven. Here are a few tips to helping make this transition go smoothly.

1. Do Your Homework.
Joining a coven is like getting a new job or moving into a co-op apartment; it's important to find out something about the people and the group before you jump right in. Ask around, get opinions, and research the history of the coven. If for any reason you feel uncomfortable with anything about the group or its members, wait for clarification. If your intuition says that it's not right for you, it probably isn't. (Remember, we are Witches: it's our job to listen to our intuition.) If the coven pressures you to join in a way that feels icky, run, don't walk, away.

2. Take It Easy.
After careful consideration, you decided that the coven is right for you and joined. Congratulations! You now have a mob of new relations: circle brothers/sisters/nieces/nephews and even ex-step-cousin-in-laws. This can be pretty overwhelming. Take your time; nobody expects you to learn everyone's names on a single night. Give yourself time and space to adjust to the new situation and get used to your new family.

3. Don't panic.
This is not an exam. Your new coven-mates have asked you to write and perform the next ritual. In the back of your mind you may be comparing your self-taught ways to what you are sure is the greater experience of the group and its leaders and worry that you may come up short. Don't. In a good coven, nobody is expecting perfection or judging others. (If you do run into this sort of behavior, you may wish to reconsider your choice of coven.) Let your ritual come from the heart; don't get too elaborate and ask for help if you need it. Allow your first ritual to be a learning experience and have fun with it. After all, it's still between you and the Goddess, after all; and She hasn't changed, even if you have.

4. Don't Be a Know-It-All.
This is the flip side to #3 above. Okay, so you own every Witchy book ever written; you bought an authenticated original letter written by Crowley on eBay. Big deal. There is a time and place to offer up such information to the group, but not all at once and not forced down their throats. And, please, please don't tell anyone that it has been revealed to you that you were an Egyptian High Priestess in a previous life. Believe me, it's been done.

5. Don't be a Control Freak.
The rituals are different from your own: they start off with East instead of North, the incense your new group uses is repugnant to you and the colors of the altar cloth are just - wrong! If it was your ritual you'd … Guess what, it's not your ritual; get over it. It's a coven ritual, created by and for the group; to assume and/or demand control might get you kicked out on your keister. Letting others share the load makes it more enjoyable anyway.

6. Tread lightly.
Every family has problems, including this new family, your coven. Keep an open mind and a closed mouth; empathy is a good thing but taking sides isn't. Gossip can destroy a coven faster than a grenade. A common misconception among newcomers is the illusion that peace, love and tranquility rule the day and that all coven siblings are blissfully happy with their High Priest/ess, each other, as a group and with the Wiccan community at large at all times. WRONG. Covens are a constant work in progress with highs and lows like everything else. The High Priest might not be happy with somebody's performance during a ritual; a newbie might be unhappy because he was not chosen to participate in the last Esbat, or a small faction in the group might be miffed because they heard a nasty rumor about a former member who decided to write a tell-all book about the coven's activities and left them out. (Or included them!) Remember the Rede and stay out of the fray.

7. Keep communicating.
If you have a beef with somebody, address the issue immediately and out in the open. Make the effort to solve problems, not create more of them.

About "Witch Wars:" These are nasty little spats that unfortunately happen every day and touch all covens in one form or another. Despite the lurid title, it's nothing Disney Studios would be interested in. The best defense against Witch Wars is to nip potential problems in the bud, and open communication - among coven members and between local groups - is the key.

Whether you are solitary or belong to a coven, the choices you make today will affect tomorrow. Which way you practice is up to you. Both roles are fulfilling, just be the best Witch you can be, whatever the setting.

Margaret Nolan-Williams is the author of the novel Shadows Within. She is also a freelance writer with pieces appearing in PagaNet News and the Indianapolis Star as well as numerous other publications.